Here's a tip for you:
Don't mess with peoples' hats.

You might be thinking,
it's just a prank
what harm could it possibly do?
But oh ho ho, that question's a can of worms right there!
One you just smashed open!

I'll tell you what it could do.

Well, it could always make someone sad and/or start crying,
which would just make you an asshole.

But, it could also do something a little more... unexpected.
Like reveal that someone's actually a demon in disguise
and their horns were tucked under the hat the whole time,
which may lead to you being incinerated on the spot
or possibly the apocalypse.
Whatever comes first.
Or maybe they kept their baby dragon warm within the hat
and as soon as it's knocked over
the creature attacks and bites you in the face.

Either way, you should just leave peoples' hats alone
and respect their personal space.
​Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

I will only dive into your mind if you ask me to.
If what lies inside is absolutely necessary
and you yourself cannot retrieve it.
Because I know what it's like to be violated,
to have another's voice sound within me
leaving traces of themselves that taint and aim to claim me as theirs.
So please,
think deeply about what you ask
and ensure that no other option is available.
Then ask me again.
And I will do it.

You seem to forget
that before the animals were walking on their legs
they were trees
fixed in place with roots
terrified of what might lurk outside their groves.

The stories that the wind carried by
of landscapes unthinkable
of the waters below and the air above
would make them shiver in fear.

No one knows what made them change their minds.
How they tore themselves from the earth
and their roots turned to legs and wings.
But it's no wonder we see faces amidst the bark
or hands in the grasping twigs.
A deeper part of us than we can reach
sees these beings standing tall
and thinks,
hello, old friend.

The clouds have finally settled down.
No longer dark and frenetic,
they snore quietly in their beds
misty-eyed and resting.

It makes sense that they are so tuckered out.
Today was a busy day
and they managed to cover an entire city on their own.
I've trained them well.

Soon, I'll send them off to the desert.
The people there are in desperate need of rain,
and if any of my pets will be able to help them
​it'll be these.

You've made the choice. It's too late now to turn from the Mortal Path.
Through black glass, red spots, and jackals, it stretches. The Mortal Path.

You'll find more than velvet drops and curtained monsters, down this road.
There's goats, and jokes, and Gary gems, scattered down the Mortal Path.

You might need to chug some blood to make it through the sandy caves.
Between the ghosts and demons, you'll need it on the Mortal Path.

Don't forget your trusty teifling- remember he's a lizard?
He'll cater your travels with crepes as you walk the Mortal Path.

And you'll have Taro being... Taro, with new voices everyday,
toot-toot pipes, and birthday parties to spice up the Mortal Path.

Ms. Nerium too, with sewing and sneaking skills tried and true.
Who knew a seamstress could do so well along the Mortal Path?

So too comes Natalia with keen mind, runekeeper's eyes and
fiery blade. Forces to be reckoned with on the Mortal Path.

It's fantastic, terrifying, and also hilarious.
So come fangirl with me. I'll be walking down the Mortal Path.

-------------------------------------------

This poem is all about one of my favorite podcasts, The Mortal Path. Here's a link to their epicness that you should check out! https://themortalpath.com/

Hmm... don't tell me...
it's a vampire.
No? Fair, we haven't had one of those in years.
If not that... a ghoul?
A banshee?

Oh come on!
What is it then?
Goblins? Ogres?
Giant mutant hedgehogs with a taste for human flesh?
You've gotta give me something here!

...you're kidding.
Sasquatch. In town?
Today?!

Why didn't you say that earlier?
I've gotta get ready!
He's the only major cryptid I haven't met yet and I-
I'll see you later-
I've gotta get all of my collectibles for him to sign!

You will never truly know power
until you hold immolation in your hand

when with a flick of your wrist
you could either spread devastation
or plunge a world into darkness

and none could stop you.

It's a power that some call unnatural
unfit for a single mortal soul to carry
even blasphemous

but if the gods disagreed with my possession of it
I assume they would take it
or strike me down where I stand

and since I remain untouched by divine fury
they must approve
or at least be ambivalent.

If only those that surround me
insecure in their own power
could see that

then maybe I would have a moment of peace
without the threat of a sword in my back
or a rain of arrows overhead.

You'd think they'd realize by now
that the only reason I've charred so many of them to bone
is their own decision to hunt me
and tear down any semblance of a normal life I build
until nothing but ruins remain.

Maybe it's time I strike first
and leave none of the bastards behind.

Okay, come on now.
It's one thing to drizzle a little bit
quench a thirst, and not fill the belly...

But flooding an entire planet!
What made you think that was a good idea?

You spent eons nurturing those trees
and watching the creatures evolve.
You were going to get such high marks.
Now all of that's just-

Wait, but I saw you-
ohhhh...
Well that's one I haven't seen before.
Underwater colonies within the hollowed out trees...

Nevermind. Carry on.
I look forward to the further progress of this planet of yours.

You're- you're going to what?
​Right now?

Oh... I did hear you right.
*sigh*

Okay, if you insist on taking this extremely illogical course of action,
allow me to give you some advice before you continue.

First, when you end up with an arrow in the knee,
you can only blame yourself.

Second, you're either fighting heavily armored opponents or drakes
so try and be fast
and don't fall on your ass.

Third, take your good sword,
not the pretty one with all the gems inlaid.
If you survive this
you'll put on enough of an entertaining show for the crowd
that you won't need it.

Fourth- oh that's that announcer calling you.
Nevermind, your latest adventure awaits.
You probably don't need my advice anyway.

No, go on.
It wasn't important.
Definitely not lifesaving advice or anything.
But you wouldn't want to miss your chance to become a legend
now would you?

These used to be verdant hills
sprinkled with patches of wildflowers large enough to lay in,
but over the course of mere days
our planet has crumbled to ash.

I wade through piles of it with every step,
almost swimming through the remnants of my world.
There's no distinguishing now
between kings and beggars
homes and trees
mountains and mice.

It's all the same
after dragon fire.

Swirling pits now fill where oceans flowed,
still dancing with the wind
but now opaque and scathing to the lungs.

And yet, I still trudge on.
Hoping that somehow
something survived the conflagration.