Silence vs Music

On some days
the silence drags me down.
Presses itself into my chest
hard enough that I can't get out of bed.
It fills me with a nothing
a cloying emptiness ringing in my ears.

Sometimes I let myself sit there in the silence.
Curl up in my blankets and sleep away the sun.
Give in to the feeling
that even sitting up is too much effort,
let alone walking to the kitchen.

On other days,
responsibility drags me away.
A job I have to work,
a meeting I have to attend.
But even then I can still feel the silence
where my beating heart should be.

Then there are the days where I turn on music.
I pull out my phone
and press play.
And I can finally hear something over the silence.
A beat, a melody.
Notes that dance around my room
and urge me to follow.

It's not that the silence is gone on those days.
It still hovers in the corners of me.
The small of my back,
my hollow stomach,
the snarling spitting pit of doubt in the back of my mind.

But I can ignore it.
Just for a little while.
Maybe for a whole day.
Because the music picks me up
makes me feel lighter
if not weightless.
And my feet hover
when normally they'd drag
​and pull me into the floor.