Deafening Silence

Right now, my mind is silent.

Empty on the outside
but secretly bogged down by too many thoughts to process.

I've got a million things I should be doing.
Dishes piling up
projects half-finished
job applications to punch in and send off
friends and family to call.

But instead
I sit in the silence of my mind.
Because every one of those things has a weight
crushing and poignant
making my heart beat too fast
and my hands shake.

I can't tell if the silence is better
than the flood of thoughts.
If floating along on the very top of them is any better
than tumbling through their midst
head over heels with water in my lungs.
If distancing myself from panic is any better
than getting lost in the growing list of things I should be doing.

Silence is deafening.