Coal-black rivers and streams flow through our cities
and we honk and roll our way downstream
always going somewhere
always in a hurry.

When did going somewhere turn into a source of anxiety or rage?
Was it when paths turned into roads?

Maybe we tried so hard to streamline every part of our lives
that now our instincts from generations ago
are fighting this new status quo
battling the very urban landscape that we've created.

Maybe it would do us all some good
if we sat next to a clearly-flowing,
actual water stream for a while.
Let the sound wash over us
and listened to what the natural world needs to tell us.
Maybe loosen up that wad of radio static
that's been clogging up our brains for a while.

On a rare occasion, it feels as if I have every task and goal of mine tossed into the air at once,
bouncing between my hands with the near ease
of an experienced juggler.

But most days,
some tasks fall through the cracks,
goals fly by without a care for my efforts,
and I flinch at the to-dos that get moved to tomorrow.

And if I focus on all the things I couldn't get done
it's real easy to get bogged down by mistakes.
Yes, it's helpful to see and acknowledge when and where I can improve.
But if every thought I have is of my failures
I will forget all my victories and blissful moments in their wake.

So today, even if I can think of quite a few mistakes I've made over the last few days,
I'm choosing to focus on my victories.
​Including writing and posting this poem.
Go me!

I will forever be amazed
by the things that people can create.
From just a single thought,
a masterpiece of paint, leather, stone, and more
can spawn.

The amount of time, sweat, blood, and sheer force of will
they take to carve miracles out of the inanimate,
​to bring to life concepts that I could never conceive,
and lead any witnesses into a world all their own...
Mind-blowing.

When people say the arts aren't important
or don't deserve our patronage and support,
I literally cannot comprehend where they're coming from.
Art has always been a reprieve and a lifeline in my life
whether I was the one creating it
or just an entranced observer.

So to all the artists out there,
be you crafters of words, music, sculptures, or anything else,
thank you.

With all my heart, lungs, and soul,
thank you!
And please keep creating <3

It's time to try again.

I've stood at the edge for long enough
considering the odds and consequences.
If I stay here much longer
I'll get caught up in the details, lose myself in negative potential
and never risk the positive.

And I can't count the amount of times
I've fallen into that trap.
Multiverses full of 'what ifs' that I never tried to answer.

But this time,
I'm going to explore the possibility.

With a deep breath
I'll open my eyes
and leap.

How to describe how I feel...

I feel like clicking those buttons was like cutting a tether.
One that had been fraying for some time now.
Growing nearly translucent,
but still gripping me tightly.
Holding me in an orbit that I'd been fighting for years.

Now that the tether is gone
I'm doing more than just turning away from the sickening light of his star.
Now I'm free to fully leave his presence.
To guide myself in whatever way I choose.
To float leagues and galaxies away if I wish,
and no longer feel the radiation he gives off eating away at me.

​I feel like I'm finally doing something that is wholly for me.
Cutting off something that was only rot and decay and pain.
Allowing myself fresh air,
and banishing the hovering sensation that he was always on the outskirts of my mind,
waiting for his next excuse to stride right in and make me question myself.

How about we skip it tonight?

There's no need for the sounds of fists banging
on locked metal doors outside
or fists on cracked drywall.

How about we let the night decide the sounds?
Let whatever wind may blow guide our course
amidst the soothing chorus of crickets.
​
Let fears and memories of yesterday
fade into the background
while the marvels of our minds take the lead.

Try to be aware
of the days as they pass you.
​It keeps you grounded.

It's okay to get lost sometimes
in a swirling pit of emotions and thoughts
where up is down
and right now is yesterday

but when you find yourself there
just take a moment to breathe

feel the air flow in and out of you
and you may find
that those unreadable thoughts and feelings
begin to take form

and follow familiar lines and patterns
that will lead you to clear skies again.

Sometimes I look at the world
like I'm a kid again.
And sometimes, that's good.

Like there's unending wonder in the tiniest things
and flower petals sit softly in my hands.

But there's other times
that aren't as bright and happy.

I feel like a child again
confused and confounded by a world that's way too complicated.
Where I want to ask for an explanation for everything
but I'm also lock-jawed and tongue-tied
worried that I'll say the wrong thing
and be laughed at
or shoved to the ground by the big kids on the playground.
Or worse.

It's hard when your present reflects your past
but the mirror's broken
and the glass shows two halves that never should've fit together.

So you have your two selves and their two different voices
telling you to trust and ask
and run and hide.

I guess I'll have to decide which voice I'll listen to today.